Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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