with your own penis?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
