My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
