Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
