wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
