She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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