can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
