just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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