I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
