remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
