i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
