I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
time to smoke my breakfast
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
