tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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