You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
