apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
