Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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