What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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