It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
