I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
where are my eyebrows?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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