he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
