And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
