Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
