Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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