Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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