And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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