If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
