to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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