He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize