The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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