i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i've created a new STD.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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