oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My dick has a subreddit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize