You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
