How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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