Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
