yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
