Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
