I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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