Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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