She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize