Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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