We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
