Someone shit on the floor
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
