i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
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I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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