just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
