Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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