the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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