Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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