i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's rum buckets o'clock
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
