and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
