Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
