Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
