I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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