Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think my vagina is haunted
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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