I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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