u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
