i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
