that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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