the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
