Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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