Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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