I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
