hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
