Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So drunk its hurt
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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