I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
