just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
