What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
