I can't watch pbs sober anymore
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
