So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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