i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
