I wish I could teleport
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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